When my first husband and I were having marital problems, we showed up for couples therapy with our toddler. It didn’t cross my mind to get a babysitter. The therapist looked at me with dread, and said, “No, she can’t come into the session.” The lady started asking coworkers if they could watch my baby. As a new mother, I wasn’t about to have a stranger watch my toddler. So I said firmly and steadily, “No, she stays with me.” The therapist gave me this mortified look, so I gave her my mama-bear glare.
As the therapy session began, I gave my daughter a bottle of water, and cradled her in my lap. As soon as the adults began talking, she promptly fell asleep for the entire session. After diagnosing my husband with severe depression, the therapist looked at my daughter and said, “Wow, I can’t believe your daughter just fell asleep like that. I didn’t expect that to go so well.”
I have therapist friends who have told me stories of their patients’ kids dropping handfuls of dirt from the plants onto the carpet, disrupting the entire session. But how did my toddler know what was expected of her, and how did I get her to do it? To me, we should be able to take our children everywhere and anywhere. They should just be part of our body, used to being carried on our back, in our sling, sitting on our lap, or leaning on us, without needing to be the center of attention.
When I flew to West Africa, I noticed that the mothers and babies were also this in-tune. The plane from the U.S. to Paris, filled with mostly white, French and American people, was a madhouse. The airline attendants were so irritated as they tried to serve dinner to all of the passengers, while children ran and squealed in the aisle and in their work station. I wondered why the parents were allowing this. It seems that in first world countries, parents have no idea how to reign their kids in.
When I stepped onto the plane from Paris to Africa, I found myself in another world. I faced a sea of black Africans, sitting in silence. There were babies on the plane, but I only heard one baby make one small sound. The mother spoke softly, but sternly to her baby, and it stopped immediately. She probably nursed it back to sleep. How is it that these babies were not dominating the space and making life hell for the passengers and airline attendants?
On most American flights, you have to have a high tolerance for babies screaming. On a flight from Seattle to Denver, I watched this young mom try to get her one-year-old to stop crying. She was traveling with a girlfriend, and was clearly embarrassed as her cute little kid acted possessed. It’s face was hot and red as it flailed and screamed. I heard her explain that the baby had no problems flying before this. She kept exclaiming, “Geez! OMG. What is wrong?! Stop it!” The mom could barely hold onto the baby as it arched and threw its body backwards. When the baby finally fell asleep, the flight was almost over. By that time, the mom was sweating, with strands of hair stuck to her face, and looked like she wanted to cry.
As a mother and energy healer, this is what I noticed. Before the baby fell asleep, it was rotating from hysterical crying to uncontrollable laughter. It was probably crying because it was sleepy or had pressure in it’s ears. The laughing spells came from the mother trying to cheer the baby up, by tickling and bouncing it. The mom was making silly faces to make the baby laugh—anything to keep it happy. So, the baby would cry, then, laugh, cry, then laugh.
You can see the difference in this parental behavior and that described above. This mom had no clue what to do. She did not act confident or calm, but joined the baby in being upset. She worked so hard to turn the crying into laughter, which felt insane to me. It was like she was thinking, “Don’t cry. Don’t cry. For God’s sake, don’t cry.” Why not? It’s a great release of energy. As the mom made funny faces to make it laugh, she stimulated it, instead of calming it. She pushed her baby further into delirium. The baby could feel the stress coming from her frustrated mother. So, now, the baby was not just tired, but anxious too, because mommy felt angry. There was this whole energetic cycle happening between mother and baby, that had escalated out of control.
If this were me, in this situation, here is how I would have handled the meltdown. I would let the baby have its normal release of energy through crying, but I would remain calm. I would comfort the child, by nursing it or giving it a bottle. I would take action and cradle it, or rub it’s back, but that would be all. No silly faces and sounds, no exclaiming out loud in frustration, no asking it what is wrong. This is all just a waste of energy. I would have listened to some music with my headsets, as I swayed and hummed, or breathed deeply so the baby could feel and hear my breath. As the baby threw itself backwards, I would have held on tight and kept swaying, but continued to breathe deeply as if nothing was happening. This is hard to do, and takes practice, but it is the secret to raising kids, no matter what age they are. Keep you cool, and ignore the tantrum.
Why? Because then they have no choice but to become in alignment with you. If the baby cries, and I keep holding it, it will eventually fall asleep in my arms. There is nothing more I can do for my child in this moment. I am holding her. I am here. Instead of trying to stop her, I let the delirious energy play out. When she is finished, she will pass out asleep. The next time we are on a plane, and she feels upset, she will remember how we do this. Mama stays calm and ignores her behavior, and baby falls into a deep sleep in Mama’s arms. And that’s that.
If people around you act irritated, or nervous, and offer advice, just ignore them. Your attention should be on your baby, not them. If they talk directly to your baby, turn your child away from them. You are communicating very clearing to your child, so don’t let other people water down your message. Let other people be uncomfortable, because rough moments like this one are pivotal, in establishing the mother and child dance. Stay centered, steady and strong, because how you act in a moment like this one, either creates respect or disrespect from you child. They either learn that you have no clue what you are doing, or that you are strong, in charge, and solid—a person they can trust.
Don’t give in. If your child keeps crying, keep breathing. Staying calm and quiet teaches the baby to do the same. The baby will eventually sync up to your energy. It is learning to flow with you, not against you.
You will hear lots of mothers anxiously talking to their children nonstop, but motherhood can be more silent and peaceful than this. There is no need for endless dialogue from parents. Parents who talk nonstop to their children, are exhausted. Conserve your life force, by communicating through your energy to your child. Be the warm comforting presence, but also stay aloof, and above their tantrums. They will hear what you are saying, loud and clearly.
You can also pray for your child when they are throwing a fit. You can whisper the prayer, sing the prayer, or say it silently in your mind. Since babies have their own Angels assigned to them, call on their Angels to help you parent them. All you have to say, is something like, “Angels, help me!” Within a few minutes, the energy will shift. We aren’t parenting these kids alone. Remember that there are Angels assigned to them, so use them by asking them for help.
I had been journaling on a plane, one time, when I realized that a baby about 5 rows up, had been crying for about 15 minutes or more. So, I decided to do, what I call, an energy tuneup. I could not see the baby, but we could all hear it. I drew a stick figure of the baby in my journal. Then, I let my Angels move my hand and the pen. When I do energy tuneups, the Angels often have me draw the flow of the person’s energy on paper. If I scribble in one place on the drawing, that shows me that the energy is stuck, or blocked in that spot in their body. I keep scribbling back and forth and around and ‘round, until the stagnant energy is flushed out. I don’t even remember now, where the baby’s energy was blocked in its body, but I drew for a couple of minutes until the pen was forming big rings around the baby. These rings show me that the energy field is nice and clear. When I set the pen down, there was silence. I smiled and enjoyed the rest of the flight.
You may not be able to perform energy healings on your kid, but you can learn the power of energy. You can pay attention to what is happening beyond words. You can use your calm energy and actions to bring your child into balance. Many mothers are like frazzled servants, whose kids run right over them. Motherhood can destroy you, or it can push you to find a solid strength and power, that you never knew you had.