Even though he was at the birth when I hemorrhaged, my ex-husband wanted more children. Even though he saw the back pain I was in during the pregnancy, he wanted what he wanted. He seemed not to notice that I was out of breath, with heart palpitations. He conveniently overlooked the part where I was bedridden from two mild concussions and a mis-prescribed thyroid medication. He wanted more babies from my body. I was like another animal that he owned on his farm. He managed the livestock, and he wanted my body to produce male farmhands and heirs. He was so disappointed in his choice of a healer wife. In exasperation, he would tell me that his friend’s wife had 6 babies. Why couldn’t I be a sturdy farm girl like that? One day, he told me that I was beautiful, which was my first warning sign, because he hadn’t given me a compliment in as long as I could remember. Then, he said he was going to the grocery store. When my husband came back from the store, he had no groceries, but handed me divorce papers. I will never forget the eery, creepy, satisfied grin on his face as he sat back in his chair, so proud of himself. (Apparently, he pulled the same exact act on his first and third wives too.) I was stunned. I cried, not for him, but for our daughter who would be apart from me, and have a stepmother someday. I did not know that I was seeing a vision when I begged him, “What if you leave me, chasing your dream of more children, but, like your last wife, your next wife can’t have any children either?” And that is exactly what happened. She could not. And he left her too. To heal the creepy feeling of this memory, I take myself back there to that 220 year old cabin. I cry as I feel the energy in the kitchen, as if I am there. I can feel the sick energy in the man, called “husband.” I shiver as I see the hand-sized “wood spiders” in the walls of the cabin, that would scurry out and crawl down the log walls to get to coffee grounds or chocolate, like caffeine monsters. God help her. Help the girl, Ariel, trapped in the cabin. Run, Ariel, run! I call on the Light. In that hell of a cabin in West Virginia, I call on my Angels to come and save me. I see my family—my parents and siblings, carrying my boxes of belongings out. Rescue me. I envision: I am in outer space. I turn and see him gripping onto the end of a long rope that is somehow connected to me. I pull out my silver glowing white knife. I slice the cord. He falls, screaming backwards into the darkness…into the black. I shoot forward, like an arrow…so fast…untethered.I ask my Angels to heal my throat…the tears in my throat. The pain of many lifetimes with such a man. Release me now, from generations of powerful women, held back by the greediest of men. I sit up straight. I breathe into my throat. My spine begins to snake and adjust as white light moves through me. An Angel swoops in from behind me, reaches around my shoulders, and cups her hands in front of my throat. I take a deep, deep breath and my shoulders drop. From the Angel’s healing hands, I feel loved and cared for. I rewrite this earth plane experience. In a perfect world, the farmer man would not have tried to hammer and smash me into his version of a wife, like a perfect hay bale. He would have actually loved me, the spirit, Ariel. He would have co-created life with me, and asked me how I am. And what did I dream of next? He would have joined me and worked with me, as I evolved and changed due to health issues, and career goals. With this new scene, I feel happy, like I’ve read a sweet fairy tale. That past horror film in the cabin in the hollow, now feels like a shimmering tale of happiness, as I see the new scene of loving kindness. The silver lining: Thank you, Angels. Thank you so much for getting me out of there. My wings were rotting. Generations of farmer patterns were weaving my wings into the fields they had owned for over 200 years. If I had stayed any longer, there would be no repairing them. I could never have untangled my wings from the raked windrows of hay and twine. Thank you for saving me. Thank you for revealing the darkness. Beneath the cute grin and wavy hair, there lived the snake with the poisonous tongue. Thank you for carrying me far far away west, away from the oppression. Thank you for a life of freedom. My Prayer: Please help me to let go of my disgust for the farmer man. If I ever have to see him again, help me to see him as a character in my play, who catapulted me, the heroine, forward in my life and career. The man who blasted me out of isolation and into the world as a healer. The character in my movie who ripped me out of the confining role of wifedom and pushed me to become a great healer. Message from my Angels: “We love you. Angels on Earth don’t necessarily crank out babies. So cute that you tried to be a farmer’s wife.” I laugh outright at their sense of humor. You know something is healed when you can laugh out loud. “What were you thinking?!” They laugh and tease me. I take a deep deep breath. I was young. I thought I wanted the country life, living off the land like my parents did. My Angels say, “But your parents are earth signs. You are a healer, meant to go into the world and spread your light. The farm life is for domesticated animals and birds. Fly away. Fly far, and keep your eyes to the horizon.”Now what do I feel: I feel wise, like I have really lived. My eyes are closed and I am rocking slightly forward and back. My light in my body is bluish white like, white clouds in a blue sky.
I’ll never forget the mom who wanted me to baby proof the healing room for her child. When she kept him in his portable carseat, there was no problem. She would set it in the middle of the healing room floor, and I would work on him. He was mesmerized by the colorful patterns of light in the air, as I cleared his energy. When he learned to crawl, she spread a blanket on the carpet for him so that he could play during his healing. Even though he had plenty of toys to entertain him, of course, he crawled straight to one of the electrical outlets across the room. As we all know, babies and toddlers love to stick wet fingers, toys, keys, and utensils into those things! To keep him safe, the mom did the most peculiar thing. She got between him and the outlet, held up a toy, and exclaimed, “Look! Looky here!” She rattled the toy in his face as he tried to crawl around her to get to the outlet. She made car and plane sounds, and repeated, “Look! Looky here!” As I watched him ignore her, I asked her why she didn’t just tell him, “No.” She explained to me that she did not believe in saying “No” to her child. I continued to watch in amusement, as the mom wasted precious energy trying to distract him from danger. He ignored her attempts to stop him. Already, at such a young age, he had no respect for her. He wanted what he wanted, and her voice and antics were just like games to him. He just kept trying to push, climb, and crawl around her to that power outlet. Even though, her method was clearly not working, she refused to say “No” to her child. Instead, she looked at me in exasperation and asked, “Can you get some childproof covers for these sockets for next time?” Oh, so now it was up to me to make sure the world was perfectly safe so she never had to tell her undisciplined child, “No.” Apparently, studies show that the word, “No” is overused by parents, so some parents subscribe to a fad where they never use the word at all. But, the reason some parents say “No” a million times a day is because they have trained their kids not to listen. It’s not the actual word that is the issue. If parents have to repeat the word, “No,” all day long, they’re kids have tuned them out—which is the very thing this mom had already taught her son, even without ever saying the word, “No.” The key to energetic parenting is to conserve your energy with fewer words and more action. I do believe in saying “No” to your child, but I only believe in saying it once in each challenging parental situation. If the kid ignores you, you can move into calm, swift action, so they begin to take you seriously. Silent, calm action is how you get your child to hear you when you say that one small word, “No,” or whatever you decide to replace it with. Let’s rewrite that scenario with the baby with the electrical outlet obsession. I often rewrite scenes, or pretend that things went a different way because this gets rid of skewed energetic patterns and brings in a new fresh energy to make sure I don’t run into the same strange situation again in my life. I also like to pretend that things happened differently than they did, so that I don’t cringe every time I think of that person. In my imagination, this is what really went down: When the baby crawled straight to the electrical outlets, the mother tapped his hand away, and said, “No! Don’t touch.” She made eye contact with him to let him know how serious she was. Her voice had a hushed element of danger to it, to let him know that this is dangerous—kind of like when I am walking across solid ice with my dog. To make sure he doesn’t pull me down, I say, “Ice! Ice!” When he hears that word in that hushed, urgent tone, he slows his pace, and glances at me. Many times, I’ve slipped on our dog walks, and he braces himself as the leash tightens between us, steadying me. In my rewrite of the mom and son, let’s say that he ignored his mom’s danger tone, and tried again, to explore electricity. Instead of repeating herself, she picked him up, turned his body away from the receptacle, and plunked a toy in front of him. Let’s say he was so curious, that he tried a third time. In my rewrite, she scooped him up and buckled him into his carseat, in the middle of the room, without a word. She had tried giving him more freedom, but that plan didn’t work, so back to the basics. In my rewrite, he kicked his feet, wailed crying, and disturbed all of the offices in the vicinity. His mom just sat there, pleasantly smiling at the healer, and taking deep breaths in through her nose. She even closed her eyes and meditated. She did not console him, or lecture him. She did not apologize for her son’s behavior, but just let him release his emotions. Energetically, this is so good for him to get his frustration out, anyway. One way to clear our energy is to have a good cry. When the session was over, the mom, rested from sitting with her eyes closed, picked up his carseat, walked to the car with her wailing child, strapped him in, and drove him home as if nothing had happened. She played her favorite music in the car and sang at the top of her lungs, to release her stress. She kept her energy above and beyond her son’s demands. He fell asleep in the car, or he cried the whole way home. Either way, her behavior stayed the same. She hummed and sang and ignored his outrage. When she got home, and said hello to her husband, she did not tell him what happened. The reason for this, is because when you tell a story of how bad your kid was right in front of them, their energy bubble shrinks and pulls in, as they absorb the energy and belief that they are a bad person. Privately, you can complain about these moments, but never in front of your kid. You can even have a good laugh about it. But, don’t laugh in front of them, or you will confuse your child—they won’t know if what they did is something you approve of or not. To take the attention off of her son’s disastrous afternoon, the mom pretended it never happened and moved straight into meeting her own needs. She asked her husband to take care of their son for 15 minutes while she took a timeout. She grabbed a healthy snack and water from the kitchen, then retreated to the bedroom, where she closed her eyes and listened to relaxing music with the sounds of water in the background. She ate the snack, sipped on the water, and swayed and rolled her shoulders to release the tension from the stressful ordeal. She asked the Divine Light to pour down through her and over her. Within 15 minutes of praying and visualization, she felt rejuvenated. She took a deep breath, stood up and went back into the living area to continue parenting. She, then, looked at all that needed done, and divided it into two. With a positive team-like attitude, she asked her husband if he wanted to make dinner, or change the baby’s diaper and watch him while she made dinner. Because she felt balanced and restored from her time alone, she was able to think clearly and plan efficiently, instead of just plowing through the chores by herself until she dropped. To enjoy parenthood, this is how it has to be. You have to constantly repair yourself in little bits of time or you will get depleted. If you are parenting your kids alone, like I did, just plunk them in their high chair with a snack and meditate beside them before you keep going. The demands on you, as a parent, will never go away, so you have to be selfish, and take moments, right in the middle of the chaos, to stop the world and replenish your energy. The mom in my rewrite, may have to repeat the whole electrical scenario again, but each time will be a little easier. In no time, the mom in my rewrite would be able to take her kid to his energy healing with no problem—in or out of his carseat. She would feel at ease, knowing that he would not fight her every step of the way. She would feel proud of the harmony her clear, clean parenting created. The healer would comment on how good he was being. The mom would feel like trips to the healer were wonderful, once again. To get to this kind of graceful parenting, you have to be on your toes, ready to take action in a moment’s notice. Whatever word or look you use to get your point across, the key is to gain your child’s respect by disciplining with swift action. This way, your kid begins to hear your every word. Soon, you will rarely ever have to show them what you mean. They’ll hear you the first time. Your simple “No,” or giving them that look that says, “No,” is all you will have to do. Other parents will wonder how you got your kid to listen so well. They will wonder how you seem to be so elegant and calm in your parenting. You can smile and know that it’s because you taught your kid that when Mama says “No,” she actually means “No.”